What to do when someone dies
Immediate Help - a Step by Step Guide
Someone has died and you need to know what to do. Here it is, in order.
- If the death was expected, at home or in hospital or a rest home, a doctor needs to attend first. Then call us on (04) 385 0745. We answer at any hour.
- If the death was sudden or unexpected, call 111. The police and the coroner will be involved, and that is normal. You can still call us at any point.
You don't need to remember everything on this page. You can call us at any time, day or night, and we'll walk you through it.
Take care of yourself first
The most important thing to do is to look after yourself first. Sit with someone you trust. There is no right way to feel. You are not expected to be strong or organised.
In the first few hours, it is fine to:
- Take your time before any decision
- Ask someone to help, or to make the calls for you
- Do things slowly
- Cry, talk, or sit in silence
Nothing has to happen in the next hour. You do not need to rush.
Cultural and religious considerations
At our first meeting, we will ask about your family's protocols, religious requirements, timing, important rituals and who should be part of the decisions. We will shape the arrangements around those needs.
- For Māori whānau, that can mean a tangihanga, whānau remaining alongside the tūpāpaku (the person who has died) throughout, and karakia and waiata at every stage. We'll work to your marae's timing.
We know that it is important for whānau to stay close to their tūpāpaku and we will do everything we can to enable this. There are times when it isn't possible to have whānau nearby, due to health and safety or other legal requirements, but we will always try to find a compromise and will return the tūpāpaku to their whānau as soon as possible. - For Muslim families, burial is usually needed quickly. Call us early and we'll move at that pace.
- For Jewish families, including members of Temple Sinai, we understand ritual washing and dressing, and who needs to carry it out.
- For Pasifika families, we make room for extended family and for grieving together.
We look after families from every community in Wellington. Our funeral directors will listen carefully, work alongside your family and community leaders, and make sure important practices are understood.
What happens next?
We bring them into our care
At a time that works for you, day or night.
We meet
Usually the same day or the next. We call it the arrangement. It is where we go through your options, the paperwork and the costs. Nothing is decided before you are ready.
You choose burial or cremation
And where the funeral will be: our chapel, a church, a marae, your home, or somewhere that mattered to them.
We do the paperwork
All of it, including registering the death with the Department of Internal Affairs. You do not need to do that part yourself.
The funeral
Usually within about seven days, though it can be later if family are travelling or if your cultural practice calls for different timing.
A checklist for the first few days
Straight away
- Make sure you are safe, and with someone
- Contact a doctor: their GP, their palliative care team, or the hospital or rest home staff
- Tell close family, or ask someone to do it for you
- Call us on (04) 385 0745
Within the first day
- Decide where they will rest until the funeral
- Start talking about burial, cremation or natural burial
- We will ask about any cultural or religious requirements early in the arrangements
- Put aside clothing, jewellery or taonga you would like them to wear
Within the first few days
- Meet your funeral director
- Choose the venue: our chapel, a church, a marae, your home, or another place
- Choose photos, music and readings
- Tell wider family and friends
- Decide whether you want the service livestreamed
In the weeks after
- Look after yourself
- Ask for support, from family, friends, or someone professional
- Take one thing at a time
- Be gentle with yourself. There is no right way to feel.
It starts with a phone call
You do not need to have worked anything out before you call. We will listen, explain what happens next and guide you through each step.